Plan me in advance 'cause I am busy

After you move to Denmark, you will have a lot of challenges to overcome if you want to socialize with the locals. First of all they are a little skittish and hard to talk to in public spaces. There is a lot of them, but they keep their head down, are absorbed with their devices and they like to keep their distance. Even if one manages to overcome the first obstacle, their language is hard to understand and even harder to speak as a tiny mispronunciation can lead to complete misunderstanding. 

While working, which is their favorite activity, they want to talk work but they are hard to extend work relationship outside of the work place. And after they leave the work area, if they are not in public spaces they are unusually hard to find. It is like they disappear. If you are really hell bent on socializing with them, you need to find them first without invading their private residences because that will make them even more skittish. So where are they hiding? 

Most likely they are hiding in some organized union involved in some activities that people in the union find fun. So, next logical step is to think about your favorite activity, google it, find out if it exists in your place of residence, see where and when it is being organized and go there.

You may think that it is over now since you are socializing with the locals but, trust me, you are barely scratching the surface. For now, what you are doing is only participating in the activity that you all like to share. But forming a closer relationship will take some time. One reason is that most of the conversations will revolve around the activity you are involved with.

They call it the significant third. It is an activity which everyone enjoys and which serves as a connecting tissue for the people who are gathered around it. So, what happens is that the significant third is an easy topic that comes naturally but going beyond it is a bit hard. But I guess that for you extroverts out there it is a bit easier.

So, you have successfully overcame all the above mentioned challenges and you have found a person you would like to hang out with. Then you are over, right? Wrong! Now you need to fit into his or her schedule, and that is much harder then you think. Danes plan everything and they plan it far into the future. Christmas planning starts a day after Christmas. Family gatherings are planed couple of weeks in advance. In Denmark nothing is spontaneous. Spur of the moment activities are virtually non existent and the absolute worst thing that you can do to a Dane is to cancel an appointment or just barge in unannounced. That makes them go completely ballistics. They will rage! In silence of course because emotional expressions outside of funerals are illegal.

Now you have yourself a potential friend. Be vary though, if he invites you to his home, do not bring presents, you may scare him away.

Why should foreigners take labor unions more seriously

Labor unions are one of the key pillars of Danish society since the ending of the 19th century. Labor unions are one of the reasons why Denmark can be considered a rich country. The reasons why salaries in Denmark are so high is because on multiple occasions since the end of the 19th century organized workers stopped working and said: "We don't mind working but we are not doing it under unfair conditions. Work is the thing that puts bread on our table and it has to be profitable for us." That is the reason salaries in Denmark are high and that is the reason why Denmark is such a popular destination for migration.

Leaving your native country can always be tricky. You come to a completely foreign society that works in ways that are completely unfamiliar to you and that can be daunting. That also leaves immigrants prone to exploitation because there will always be employers out there that are willing to profit on that constellation of events. My friends that worked and traveled around the world said that their first employment experience was always like that. On their first job thy were always underpaid. After a while they would learn the ropes of the country they are living in and they would find something better.

One time my girlfriend asked me: "But why would foreigners agree to work under bad conditions and be under-payed?" The answer is simple. Because they don't know what does it mean to be under-payed in Denmark and because their living standard is dramatically improved by accepting even the underpaid job in Denmark.

Take my example. On my current job I am earning three times more compared to what I was earning by working on a University job in Croatia and my working conditions have never been better. Now imagine what will be the difference in the living standard for someone coming from Somalia, Syria or Afghanistan? By even taking the heavily underpaid job their living conditions improved a hundred fold not three times. That is why and that is why they are prone to exploitation and that is why labor unions are important.

By moving to Denmark and not being a citizen the best protection you can get is by being a member of a labour union. If you are an EU citizen, you can stay in Denmark as long as you want if you are working and paying taxes. Then you are set. By being a member of a labor union you can give yourself that one extra layer of protection for the most important thing that is enabling you to live in Denmark, work. Plus, labor unions will be able to help you out with your salary, to double-check that you are not being cheated, to help you out with working conditions, overtime work and protect you from being fired on a whim. If work is the key element that enables you to live in Denmark adding an extra element of protection to it, can't be a bad idea.

Also if you are debating with yourself should you or should you not be a member of the labor union, you need to understand that the reason why you have great salary, a lot of vacation, 37 hours working week and great working conditions is because through the 20th century labor unions fought for it and they won because all the workers knew that the only way to achieve this is by standing united. And because of that, workers from all the countries, join! You have nothing to lose except for poor working conditions!

How to meet a Dane

I come from a country where socializing was very straightforward, or at least I thought so. You go to kindergarten, school, university, work and on the way you meet people that you like or don't. You hang out with the people you like, first in neutral territory, mostly cafe bars, sometimes nightclubs. When a relationship becomes a bit deeper, visits to each other homes become common. I guess some people go to restaurants but that was never a big thing in Croatia. Socializing with people you meet on work was never considered inappropriate. And that is it, pretty straight forward right.

In Denmark, it is a bit different. Picking up people from school or university is normal and of course it happens, just like in Croatia. Hanging out with people from work privately is looked down upon. They are first and foremost colleges and should be treated professionally.

Unions

But if you move in to Denmark and you want to meet Danes and get some Danish friends none of the above is the way to go. Danes have something they call Unions. Unions are groups of like-minded individuals that share the same interests. They form a group around that interest and pursue it together. Imagine whatever hobby you like: darts, pool, cycling, role play, board-games, books etc. In Denmark, every middle sized city should have one. That is the way to meet Danes. 

I am currently a member of CIWIB. It is a union for board games. We meet once a week, every Wednesday and we play board games from 17 to 22. The thing with unions is that, nobody joins a union for hanging out, but for the pursuit of the common interest. Socializing comes in a package with it. In my group social mingling is happening while the group is forming, during a dinner break and while it is dissolving. In those moments people get to know each-other and chat about their lives and problems. It is also important to note that even that way it takes some time.

But even with that, people that move to Denmark potentially could have problems meeting Danes. With high Danish working ethics and a lot of time dedicated to work, after spending time with family, there isn't a lot of time to hang out with others. Meeting people on work, while it would be easy, isn't really an option because colleagues are just colleagues and not friends. Hanging out with them outside work is considered inappropriate.

There are two additional elements that makes meeting new people a bit hard. One is the so called Piper Act or privacy in public act. When you boil it down it basically says that when you are in public you shouldn't be a nuisance to anyone in anyway. To put it in other words, all people in public spaces have the right to their privacy. This rule translates into real life that people do not interact with anyone unless it is unavoidable. Fx. sometimes, when I am in a train I need to park my bike on somebody else bike, then I need to ask "Where are you going off", so we can figure out in what order to park the bikes and that is it, that is the only interaction people have with each other. Of course it is usually difficult to meet other people in public spaces. Piper act places an additional hurdle to it because people don't talk at all to each other in public spaces. So basically, chatting up others is virtually impossible.

Danish high paychecks heavily influence the social life. You, would think it makes it easier, but it actually makes it harder. Because everybody has high paychecks, including the waiters. That means, when you go out, you will pay for a beer around 50 kronas. One average night out could cost you around 1000 kronas and that is a lot even for danish pay-checks. And it is apparent in Denmark that Danes adapted to it. Most people are hanging out in private apartments through out the year, during summer months people barbecue a lot in the parks and there is a lot of small street festivals you can attend with your own drinks that you get from the stores. Going out to eat is reserved only for a very special occasions. 

So, when you take all these elements of Danish culture makes meeting new people a bit hard. So, how to approach it then? Well, if you want to meet foreigners, language schools is a good place. A lot of people there doesn't have a lot of contacts in Denmark so they are very open to make new acquaintances and mostly they find other Danish people very cold and distanced. But, you will not meet Danes there. If you really want to meet Danes, think hobbies, google them in the city where you live and go. There will most likely be a group that does it. Go there, meet Danes and be patient. They are a bit like a bottle of ketchup, you need to shake long and hard and for a while nothing will come out, but then suddenly so much will spill out that you will want to return some of it back into the bottle.