How to meet a Dane

I come from a country where socializing was very straightforward, or at least I thought so. You go to kindergarten, school, university, work and on the way you meet people that you like or don't. You hang out with the people you like, first in neutral territory, mostly cafe bars, sometimes nightclubs. When a relationship becomes a bit deeper, visits to each other homes become common. I guess some people go to restaurants but that was never a big thing in Croatia. Socializing with people you meet on work was never considered inappropriate. And that is it, pretty straight forward right.

In Denmark, it is a bit different. Picking up people from school or university is normal and of course it happens, just like in Croatia. Hanging out with people from work privately is looked down upon. They are first and foremost colleges and should be treated professionally.

Unions

But if you move in to Denmark and you want to meet Danes and get some Danish friends none of the above is the way to go. Danes have something they call Unions. Unions are groups of like-minded individuals that share the same interests. They form a group around that interest and pursue it together. Imagine whatever hobby you like: darts, pool, cycling, role play, board-games, books etc. In Denmark, every middle sized city should have one. That is the way to meet Danes. 

I am currently a member of CIWIB. It is a union for board games. We meet once a week, every Wednesday and we play board games from 17 to 22. The thing with unions is that, nobody joins a union for hanging out, but for the pursuit of the common interest. Socializing comes in a package with it. In my group social mingling is happening while the group is forming, during a dinner break and while it is dissolving. In those moments people get to know each-other and chat about their lives and problems. It is also important to note that even that way it takes some time.

But even with that, people that move to Denmark potentially could have problems meeting Danes. With high Danish working ethics and a lot of time dedicated to work, after spending time with family, there isn't a lot of time to hang out with others. Meeting people on work, while it would be easy, isn't really an option because colleagues are just colleagues and not friends. Hanging out with them outside work is considered inappropriate.

There are two additional elements that makes meeting new people a bit hard. One is the so called Piper Act or privacy in public act. When you boil it down it basically says that when you are in public you shouldn't be a nuisance to anyone in anyway. To put it in other words, all people in public spaces have the right to their privacy. This rule translates into real life that people do not interact with anyone unless it is unavoidable. Fx. sometimes, when I am in a train I need to park my bike on somebody else bike, then I need to ask "Where are you going off", so we can figure out in what order to park the bikes and that is it, that is the only interaction people have with each other. Of course it is usually difficult to meet other people in public spaces. Piper act places an additional hurdle to it because people don't talk at all to each other in public spaces. So basically, chatting up others is virtually impossible.

Danish high paychecks heavily influence the social life. You, would think it makes it easier, but it actually makes it harder. Because everybody has high paychecks, including the waiters. That means, when you go out, you will pay for a beer around 50 kronas. One average night out could cost you around 1000 kronas and that is a lot even for danish pay-checks. And it is apparent in Denmark that Danes adapted to it. Most people are hanging out in private apartments through out the year, during summer months people barbecue a lot in the parks and there is a lot of small street festivals you can attend with your own drinks that you get from the stores. Going out to eat is reserved only for a very special occasions. 

So, when you take all these elements of Danish culture makes meeting new people a bit hard. So, how to approach it then? Well, if you want to meet foreigners, language schools is a good place. A lot of people there doesn't have a lot of contacts in Denmark so they are very open to make new acquaintances and mostly they find other Danish people very cold and distanced. But, you will not meet Danes there. If you really want to meet Danes, think hobbies, google them in the city where you live and go. There will most likely be a group that does it. Go there, meet Danes and be patient. They are a bit like a bottle of ketchup, you need to shake long and hard and for a while nothing will come out, but then suddenly so much will spill out that you will want to return some of it back into the bottle.

Cut-throat world of the danish bike lanes

It is a cut-throat world on the danish bike lanes. On some days it feels like everything is out to get you. Children, elderly people, other cyclists... especially other cyclist and they are creative about it. Everybody except the car drivers, they, are super considerate to cyclists. And of course they are, if there is a crash with a cyclist and driver being a part of it it will be drivers fault by default unless cyclist went through red light. But at the same time, deep down, drivers hate cyclists.

"Copenhagen cyclists are the worst", one of my friends said.

And I must say that I understand the sentiment. 

When I just arrived I was working with a friend who isn't a passionate cyclist. Also, we both recently moved to Copenhagen and we didn't know the city so we were relying on a GPS a lot and we weren't riding fast. We were definitely slower cyclists out there. Oooo boy, I was feeling like a moving target! Other cyclist were just swooshing past us, often angrily using their bells, somehow you can just hear the frustration from the way the person uses a bike bell. We were just a slow crawling nuisance that was reducing Danish commuting efficiency.

That lasted for two months. My friend and me learned the ropes of our job and we started working independently. Since, by that time I got to know the city as well I started riding my usual style, fast and determined, like a well integrated immigrant.

Since then I saw the other dark side of Copenhagen cyclists. They don't care for pedestrians at all and sometimes they really should. Danish cycling infrastructure is great but it has it's flaws. For example bus stations are in between the road and the bike lane, so when passengers are going on or of the bus they must go across the bike lane. On multiple occasions, when bus would stop and passengers would start going of, I would either stop or crawl so people can normally get of the bus. I thought other cyclists would do the same, I was wrong. They don't, they just go into mode; moving obstacles... avoid... avoid, so they just go zig-zaging through the passengers getting of the bus and almost colliding with me, since I am letting people go over the bike lane. Even though the default is, squeeze through the pedestrians and try not to hit them, I still stop and let them through and risk being ran over by a determined Dane on the bike. It is the same with crosswalks. You would think when people are crossing the road on the green light that cyclists would let them through, they don't. I guess their reasoning is that if someone ends up under their wheels, it is their fault.

Position of the bike lane in between the road and the sidewalk causes other problems as well. When people are getting out of the car, or fetching stuff from the car they have to be on the bike lane. That is what is causing a lot of potentially dangerous situations. On multiple occasions I was in a situation where I thought that I will slam into the person getting out of the car, or into the person going across the bike lane. Two times I was in a situation in which the person going across the bike lane saw me, looked me straight into the eyes, acknowledged that I am approaching and still made a step unto the bike lane even though I was just 2 meters away approaching in high speed. Fortunately for me, disk brakes had enough power to stop me before I hit the person.

Cyclist are also a menace to other cyclists. A lot of them is making turns without signaling, joining the bike lane without any thought of the incoming traffic, squeezing in past you in places where there is enough room for just one bike, people riding children bikes overtake when it seems there isn't enough space. On occasions it can really feel like: "Ok, this one will crash into me, but then they don't." I will conclude that I am the inexperienced one.

To conclude these 2 cycling posts. Danish bike lanes are amazing. If a person lives and works in Copenhagen there really is no reason to commute by car. The fastest way of commuting is using the bike, but it isn't the safest one. So, in a tame country of Denmark, where everything is regulated and controlled, if you want to get some adrenaline, get a bike and jump in! Who knows, maybe that is the reason why are Danes doing it, so they can feel alive at least while they are in their daily commute.

Danes in public spaces

Denmark is a bit over regulated country. 

Laws are set in place and people adhere to them and everything is working like clockwork. Problems arise when there is a part of everyday life that is not regulated in that way, then Danes get a bit lost. Great examples is open public space that isn't strictly regulated: behavior in daily commute and in shopping.

But let's start with road traffic. That will offer a great contrast to the point I am trying to make, because it is highly regulated activity. When Danes are driving cars they are borderline boring, in a good way. When you are driving in Denmark you should feel safe. Like any other regulated aspect of life in Denmark, this one is also working spotlessly. People don't speed, during peak hours, if there is no traffic obstructions everything is flowing. If you need to change lanes, you just need to turn on the blinkers and they will immediately allow you to change lanes. Totally, non stressful and safe. My favorite element of road traffic is when Danes are using a lane that is obligatory turn. You will see ten or more cars standing in a obligatory left lane for example and all of them blinking that they will make the left turn, like they have any other options. Why is this aspect of everyday life working like clockwork? Because it is regulated and the fines for infringement of traffic rules are very high. So, Danes are not given any freedoms and nothing is left to interpretation. Speed limit is 110, you will not drive faster. When you turn left, you will blink. Easy peasy! Danes excel at following rules.

But behavior in trains, shopping malls and bike lanes is not regulated, Danes are left to their own devices and than things start going a bit wrong.

Trains and shopping malls sometimes look like battlegrounds where speed and relentless determination are essential for survival.... no wait do you need them in order to board a train or buy groceries? Of course you don't, but it certainly looks like you do.

When Danes are boarding a train they will form a narrow passage way around the doors and eagerly wait to jump on its pray. At the moment the doors open if foot does not peak in a split of a second the relentless stampede will start. If someone does want to get of, but he did not react fast enough, the Danish stampede will stop and reluctantly give only minimal space for the person to get of the train. They are on a mission! Board the train like your life depends on it! It is the same with getting of the train. If a woman with a child, person with a bike or a person in a wheelchair wants to get of the train, the Danish stampede does not care. Tightly packed line is formed and if you are not in it you must wait until they pass or you will be trampled. Women with baby carts receive help to get of the train usually from the conductor, or the first person that is trying to get on the train. I recon that a woman with a baby cart is seen as an obstruction that reduces the efficient boarding so it should be removed fast. Train rides are ruthless and should not be taken lightly in Denmark.

It is very similar in the supermarkets. When waiting in line at the cash register, you can feel them breathing down the back of your neck. If you want to take a slight step outside of the line, you are running the risk of losing your space. In general, if you display any hesitation while trying to get in line or while you are waiting in line you are doing it at your own risk, after all there is only so much food in the store, it just might run out.

If you are looking at something on the shelves and another Dane is looking at it as well but he got there before you, do not expect it will give you any space so you can look as well. The only thing you will get is a mute angry stare that says: "I got here first! I will move when I am done and not a split second before!" Ooookkkk.... it is not like the milk will run anywhere by the time you are done. There are counters to this behavior. Option I usually go for is just wait. Relentless Danish shoppers are usually done within half a minute. Second option is that you could ask them to give you some space. It would be acknowledged as demonstration of force and if you would leave the impression that you are the alpha hunter in this isle the weaker shopper could retreat and acknowledge defeat and wait it's turn.

Third alternative is to ask them for some space. With popping this question you are putting a Dane in a state of internal conflict between making a scene, if he decides not to give you space and pulling back. The last thing a Dane in public wants is to be noticed by others, so he will give up and let you look. They just can't stand being noticed by strangers.

Why is it like that? Because Danes are great at following rules. Whenever they see a rule, by default and without thinking, they oblige. That is why, if rules are set up in a smart way, that part of life will function without a glitch. But there is a negative side effect of this behavior as well, it creates boiled up frustrations inside. These frustrations surface on weekends or in non-regulated activities. That is when Danes give in to their urges that are buried deep down inside and that is what makes them to see a lady with a stroller just as an obstacle that needs to be solved in the shortest possible time!