How to meet a Dane

I come from a country where socializing was very straightforward, or at least I thought so. You go to kindergarten, school, university, work and on the way you meet people that you like or don't. You hang out with the people you like, first in neutral territory, mostly cafe bars, sometimes nightclubs. When a relationship becomes a bit deeper, visits to each other homes become common. I guess some people go to restaurants but that was never a big thing in Croatia. Socializing with people you meet on work was never considered inappropriate. And that is it, pretty straight forward right.

In Denmark, it is a bit different. Picking up people from school or university is normal and of course it happens, just like in Croatia. Hanging out with people from work privately is looked down upon. They are first and foremost colleges and should be treated professionally.

Unions

But if you move in to Denmark and you want to meet Danes and get some Danish friends none of the above is the way to go. Danes have something they call Unions. Unions are groups of like-minded individuals that share the same interests. They form a group around that interest and pursue it together. Imagine whatever hobby you like: darts, pool, cycling, role play, board-games, books etc. In Denmark, every middle sized city should have one. That is the way to meet Danes. 

I am currently a member of CIWIB. It is a union for board games. We meet once a week, every Wednesday and we play board games from 17 to 22. The thing with unions is that, nobody joins a union for hanging out, but for the pursuit of the common interest. Socializing comes in a package with it. In my group social mingling is happening while the group is forming, during a dinner break and while it is dissolving. In those moments people get to know each-other and chat about their lives and problems. It is also important to note that even that way it takes some time.

But even with that, people that move to Denmark potentially could have problems meeting Danes. With high Danish working ethics and a lot of time dedicated to work, after spending time with family, there isn't a lot of time to hang out with others. Meeting people on work, while it would be easy, isn't really an option because colleagues are just colleagues and not friends. Hanging out with them outside work is considered inappropriate.

There are two additional elements that makes meeting new people a bit hard. One is the so called Piper Act or privacy in public act. When you boil it down it basically says that when you are in public you shouldn't be a nuisance to anyone in anyway. To put it in other words, all people in public spaces have the right to their privacy. This rule translates into real life that people do not interact with anyone unless it is unavoidable. Fx. sometimes, when I am in a train I need to park my bike on somebody else bike, then I need to ask "Where are you going off", so we can figure out in what order to park the bikes and that is it, that is the only interaction people have with each other. Of course it is usually difficult to meet other people in public spaces. Piper act places an additional hurdle to it because people don't talk at all to each other in public spaces. So basically, chatting up others is virtually impossible.

Danish high paychecks heavily influence the social life. You, would think it makes it easier, but it actually makes it harder. Because everybody has high paychecks, including the waiters. That means, when you go out, you will pay for a beer around 50 kronas. One average night out could cost you around 1000 kronas and that is a lot even for danish pay-checks. And it is apparent in Denmark that Danes adapted to it. Most people are hanging out in private apartments through out the year, during summer months people barbecue a lot in the parks and there is a lot of small street festivals you can attend with your own drinks that you get from the stores. Going out to eat is reserved only for a very special occasions. 

So, when you take all these elements of Danish culture makes meeting new people a bit hard. So, how to approach it then? Well, if you want to meet foreigners, language schools is a good place. A lot of people there doesn't have a lot of contacts in Denmark so they are very open to make new acquaintances and mostly they find other Danish people very cold and distanced. But, you will not meet Danes there. If you really want to meet Danes, think hobbies, google them in the city where you live and go. There will most likely be a group that does it. Go there, meet Danes and be patient. They are a bit like a bottle of ketchup, you need to shake long and hard and for a while nothing will come out, but then suddenly so much will spill out that you will want to return some of it back into the bottle.