Growing up and moving out
Portraying danish parenting in a way I did in the last post would be hugely
unfair to Danes. They do love their children and take good care of them,
even if it may sound harsh when you present it in a way I did. Every
aspect of parenting that I mentioned has it's merit. I think that the
best one is that the danish cultural default is to insist on their
children moving out when they come of age. No matter that it looks
harsh, especially if you take into consideration that children are asked to move out while still going to high school. With that single act
they are doing them a huge favor in the long run. Kids become
independent very fast. While it is a huge shock at the start and it is
not easy, with this single act children will be fast-tracked into
self-sufficiency. Couple of years ago I even read that, at the start,
this custom severely reduces the living standard of children but within 5
years they surpass the living standard of their parents. So, at the age
of 23 they are leading a better lives then they did while living with
their parents!
Just as a point
of comparison. A lot of children in Croatia move out of their parents in
their late 20's, some even stay until their 30's. But, it shouldn't be forgotten that Denmark has a very strong labor market, full employment
and amazing paychecks. If the same custom was practiced in Croatia,
children would just end up on the streets and that is something Danes
would never do to their children. I even asked this a couple of mine Danish friends. Would they ask their children to move out if they knew that kids couldn't find jobs and be self-sufficient and they gave me a firm no.
Curling parenting
Unfortunately,
that Danish custom is slowly losing ground. Just like the rest of the
world, Denmark is starting to have problems with too permissive parenting
that results in incompetent young adults. Danes are calling it curling
parenting. The analogy to curling is that parents sweep away the
problems which their children are facing in the same way sweepers, clear
the ice in curling in the stones path so it can travel further. That way, children grow up totally incompetent with
facing the challenges the life presents. If family is a bit better of, the child will
still move out but the parents will be financing it's life, so no life lesions will be learned. Allegedly some parents even go to their children's job interviews. The problem that I see is caused by the heavy
Danish social state.
One problem that is present in
all Scandinavian countries is that they are being too protective of
their citizens, to the point that they are preventing them in making bad
life choices. Don't get me wrong, that in itself is a good cause, but
the consequences are not. The problem is that it is almost impossible for
Danish citizens to fail. No matter what stupidity in life they do, what
mistake they make, no matter the magnitude of it, the state of Denmark
will always catch them. The risk of failure is reduced so drastically
that there are no consequences and consequences are necessary for
learning. If you don't know what the hardship is, how are you capable of
valuing the plenty that you live in?
And people do rely on it. People in
Denmark expect, even demand that the state solves some of their
problems? Even some of the family problems, but that is the topic for another post. What happened to taking the responsibility for your own life?
Calling the shots and living with consequences?
I love the Danish social state, I think it is great, but at some points I also think it is going a bit too far. It is being too protective.
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