Christmas, part 2

Usually Christmas anxiety starts to get me a week before Christmas but this year it started in early October. 

Understandable if you take into consideration that Christmas talks with my girlfriend started in late June.

I have never been a fan of that holiday and in the last couple of years I had the opportunity to opt out of it. That will be impossible this year and I don't want to, but I still feel a bit queasy when I start thinking about it. 

In order for you to understand my Christmas dislike i need to explain a bit of Croatian culture. Families in Croatia are very tightly nit and so was mine. Both mine and my ex-wife family live in Zagreb which made seeing each other very easy and it was quite often. My parents would crash at our place every Sunday and we would see her family once in 2 weeks, plus we would talk around twice a week. That was standard through the year. Visits often included lunches or we would just hang out with a coup of coffee or some drinks. In addition birthdays were celebrated as well, all of them, and those were considered as special occasions. Birthdays required something extra; lunch, dinner, booze etc. And then Christmas arrived and we would be bombarded with questions which Christmas lunch are we going to attend. 

What always confused me with Christmas, in a Croatian cultural surrounding was; why all the pressure! Why do I HAVE go to Christmas lunch with any of our families? Have we not seen each other within last 14 days more then once? Shall we not keep the tempo of seeing each other at least once every 14 days? What does make that day soooo different from other days of the year that not seeing your family on that day necessarily results in complete and utter disaster. It is the end of the world as we know it?

Some years later my German friend explained to me what is the deal with Christmas. His parents live in the norther Germany, his brother in western Germany and my friend lives in eastern Germany. He sees his family couple of times per year and Christmas is one of the few holidays when all of them know they will be free and not working. When he told me this the first time it was a Eureka moment for me. Well, ofc! In that setup Christmas makes total sense. You know all of you will be free and you haven't seen them in a while, so it is a happy occasion. After I moved to Denmark time with my family is much more valuable then it was before. Now I have the time to miss them!

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/4892592/images/o-CHRISTMAS-GIFTS-facebook.jpg

Second thing I never grasped with Christmas in general is the presents frenzy. My view of Christmas, in which I had problems fitting myself in, is spending a cozy time with your family and a part of that is gift giving. The purpose of giving presents should be to make someone happy with a gift as a token of appreciation. It should be a happy occasion, both buying/making a present and receiving it. When it turns into bickering about what should be the budget cap for presents, who should buy presents for who and what not, at that point I think that the purpose of whole gift giving for Christmas is misunderstood. 

Think about it, if you take a holiday that should be about spending cozy time with your family and you turn it into stressing over what you should buy to whom for what price, you stress over the event in general, you think about it for the greater part of the year, then I think you are doing something wrong. You knocked out all the spontaneity and coziness out of Christmas.

I don't think I will ever buy into that holiday. Fortunately it is only once per year in the darkest part of the year, so at least it doesn't destroy a nice sunny day.

I wonder if there is more of you out there who share my thoughts? P.S. I like the Christmas decorations :D

Christmas, Danish style part 1

Orange stage, Roskilde Festival

It was a beautiful sunny day in June, summer finally arrived and I was super excited about Roskilde festival that was starting in about two weeks. My girlfriend was lying in the sofa crocheting and I was fiddling with something in the kitchen and then the question came:

"Are you planning to go to Croatia this Christmas?"

My curtains rolled down and the feeling of dread loomed in, I am not the biggest fan of Christmas.

"Why are we talking about Christmas? Summer barely started, it is not even July jet?"

"Well, I need to know your plans for Christmas, so we can organize ourselves. This Christmas I am spending time with my dads family and I need to inform them are we coming together or not so they can prepare in time."

"But how much planning do they need? As I said, summer didn't even start yet?!?"

Christmas decorations in Roskilde

Christmas is huge in Denmark and it is not a topic it should be taken lightly. Plans for Christmas dinners are set in place for couple of years in advance. "This year I have Christmas dinner with my dad family and next year with my moms family" she said. I wouldn't be surprised, that now with my tiny Croatian family Christmas dinners will have to be planned on a three years cycle or on a four year cycle.

Conversations about Christmas dinner continued through the whole summer. At the end of August, after we came back from holiday and her dad and his wife came back from holiday we didn't share funny holiday stories and events. And why should we, it's not like we are full of fresh holiday impressions. We planned sitting arrangements for the Christmas dinner. Which was at the same time amusing and annoying because Christmas is just around the corner and summer is in the ancient past. I mean, who thinks about summer on a beautiful warm August night when you are having a cozy time outside in shorts until 22 and it's still daytime, it's time to buy Christmas presents and talk deserts and sitting arrangements.

But things start to get really interesting with Christmas dinners on a work place. So allegedly, (un)fortunately I haven't tried, Christmas dinners on a workplace can go really wild in Denmark. They can turn into an orgy?!!? So, after drinking and eating themselves blind, sometimes Danes can also fuck each others brains out on a Christmas dinner and never mention it afterwards, just like it never happened. I am not certain, should I be looking forward to experiencing one such Christmas dinner or not...

God Jul! What are your Christmas dinner plans for 2033?

Counting coppers

While living in Croatia in one aspect I had a bad reputation. A lot of people thought I was a cheapskate that is counting coppers and is flipping every kuna (Croatian currency) three times over. I will admit, I am guilty as charged on that count. I always liked to have control over my money. I like to know how much I am earning and what are my living expenses. I also like to know what are my needs and what is fluff, what is the stuff I can live without.

It is not surprising that with my take on money I was considered a cheapskate. This take on money definitely isn't a cultural default in Croatia. As with a lot of other things, Croatians are relaxed with money. When you have money, you spend it, don't fuss about the future too much. When it runs out, we will somehow find a way. Live a little or why are you denying yourself so much was just some of things I would hear often. I was even keeping the budget, keeping track of my expenses and income and when people would see it, I would get a bewildering giggles about it.

When my ex-wife and me went on our own I started to run the budget. At first she was a bit reluctant but she went with it. But then, six years later when Croatia hit me on the head and I lost the job, she realized how useful it was, because we had savings and money wasn't an issue. Doing budget of course isn't something Croatians usually do as well. 

Another thing Croatians don't usually do is talk about money among family or friends or ever, except when they go bankrupt. Then they start but then is too little to late. In Denmark is quite the opposite. Starting position is that people are doing budget and talk about money. That way they know how much are they earning and where is the money going. Benefit of it is that it is much more difficult to find yourself in the situation where money just magically vanishes, a situation not that uncommon in my native country. But, of course these are cultural defaults, there are Danes who couldn't hold on to 1 krona if their life depended on it and Croatians who are careful with their kunas.

At first I was a bit surprised with this cultural difference. At first I was thinking, wouldn't it be reasonable to expect that Croatians will be more careful with money since they have less and it is harder to come by? But then I realized that my reasoning is going in the wrong direction. One of the reasons why Danes have more money is because they are much more careful with their spending, both on the individual level and the level of the state. Government debt in Denmark is around 35% of the GDP and in Croatia around 75% of the GDP.

I must say that in this aspect I fell more at home in Denmark then I ever did in Croatia where I was considered just as a cheapskate weirdo. My habit of "counting coppers" is taken as a given in Denmark. As my girlfriend told me: "Of course it is normal, what other way could we keep track of our money."

I will finish this entry with one Croatian proverb that goes: "It is easy to spend other people money." maybe that on it own says enough about the way an average Croatian take on money and the state of public finances in Croatia.

Is this winter depression?

The days got really short for what I am used to. Sun rises around 8:15 and sets around 15:40, but that is fine, at 21st of December there will still be 7 hours of daylight. What I find a bit more problematic is the weather. From 1st of September until 3rd December, there have been 3 sunny weeks, out of 13 weeks. For the rest of the time it was cloudy and sometimes rainy. And when I say cloudy I mean whole sky is just uniform dull and depressing grey. That is 10 weeks of gray skies from September 1st. I am not surprised that in the Danish language the word for cloud is "sky". A lot of times it certainly looks like that the uniform gray mass is the sky. 

Yesterday I started feeling a bit under the weather for no apparent reason. Life is good here and I like it very much. I love what my girlfriend and me built for ourselves in under a year (I moved in the middle of February) and we are working great together, oftentimes we are fooling around that together we make one competent housewife. Job-situation is good and I like my job. Staircase cleaning suites my character. It is completely stress free. I work alone (as I like it), my boss is great, we get along perfectly, money is good, with our 2 paychecks we have plenty and then some to put on the side. I cycle a lot which I love. Language school is going nicely and I meet some nice people there. Every Wednesday we are going to the board-games club which satisfies my introvert social needs. So all in all I have assembled my life the way I like it and in the way I can grow and develop further. And jet I started to feel a bit down with the beginning of December.

Winter depression

Allegedly this may be the winter depression. During winter time in Denmark there isn't enough Sun. Even during fall. As I said it is constantly cloudy. Exposure to sun is important because that is how we synthesis vitamin D. Even though it can also be taken in with certain foods: fatty fish (tuna, mackerel, salmon), egg white, cheese, liver paste. Interestingly enough this food is in abundance in Danish cuisine. Two symptoms of Vitamin D deficiency are depression and back pain and a lot of Danish people suffer from winter depression and are taking Vitamin D supplements. Since I am not taking vitamin D supplements it makes it more plausible that it may be winter depression. I even heard that when you go to the doctor in winter months, you will get a question "Do you take your vitamin D regularly?". Alas it is too late for me this year because you need to take it for a full month before you start to feel the beneficial side-effects. I can only imagine the horror of what winters look like in northern Norway, Finland and Sweden. One guy who was in my raid group couple of years ago lived in Hammerfest in northern Norway. One time I checked how longs are the days/nights there. Sun sets on 23rd November and rises on 21st January. That is almost 3 full months of continuous darkness! That is bad, I must say that I can't imagine how continuous darkness looks like. 

Anyway, if you moved to some of the Scandinavian country and life is good but you start to feel a bit down in December. Worry not, it is just the lack of sun that is getting to you. It is quite normal in this part of the world. Now, I'll go and make some tuna paste, it may help.

How to meet a Dane

I come from a country where socializing was very straightforward, or at least I thought so. You go to kindergarten, school, university, work and on the way you meet people that you like or don't. You hang out with the people you like, first in neutral territory, mostly cafe bars, sometimes nightclubs. When a relationship becomes a bit deeper, visits to each other homes become common. I guess some people go to restaurants but that was never a big thing in Croatia. Socializing with people you meet on work was never considered inappropriate. And that is it, pretty straight forward right.

In Denmark, it is a bit different. Picking up people from school or university is normal and of course it happens, just like in Croatia. Hanging out with people from work privately is looked down upon. They are first and foremost colleges and should be treated professionally.

Unions

But if you move in to Denmark and you want to meet Danes and get some Danish friends none of the above is the way to go. Danes have something they call Unions. Unions are groups of like-minded individuals that share the same interests. They form a group around that interest and pursue it together. Imagine whatever hobby you like: darts, pool, cycling, role play, board-games, books etc. In Denmark, every middle sized city should have one. That is the way to meet Danes. 

I am currently a member of CIWIB. It is a union for board games. We meet once a week, every Wednesday and we play board games from 17 to 22. The thing with unions is that, nobody joins a union for hanging out, but for the pursuit of the common interest. Socializing comes in a package with it. In my group social mingling is happening while the group is forming, during a dinner break and while it is dissolving. In those moments people get to know each-other and chat about their lives and problems. It is also important to note that even that way it takes some time.

But even with that, people that move to Denmark potentially could have problems meeting Danes. With high Danish working ethics and a lot of time dedicated to work, after spending time with family, there isn't a lot of time to hang out with others. Meeting people on work, while it would be easy, isn't really an option because colleagues are just colleagues and not friends. Hanging out with them outside work is considered inappropriate.

There are two additional elements that makes meeting new people a bit hard. One is the so called Piper Act or privacy in public act. When you boil it down it basically says that when you are in public you shouldn't be a nuisance to anyone in anyway. To put it in other words, all people in public spaces have the right to their privacy. This rule translates into real life that people do not interact with anyone unless it is unavoidable. Fx. sometimes, when I am in a train I need to park my bike on somebody else bike, then I need to ask "Where are you going off", so we can figure out in what order to park the bikes and that is it, that is the only interaction people have with each other. Of course it is usually difficult to meet other people in public spaces. Piper act places an additional hurdle to it because people don't talk at all to each other in public spaces. So basically, chatting up others is virtually impossible.

Danish high paychecks heavily influence the social life. You, would think it makes it easier, but it actually makes it harder. Because everybody has high paychecks, including the waiters. That means, when you go out, you will pay for a beer around 50 kronas. One average night out could cost you around 1000 kronas and that is a lot even for danish pay-checks. And it is apparent in Denmark that Danes adapted to it. Most people are hanging out in private apartments through out the year, during summer months people barbecue a lot in the parks and there is a lot of small street festivals you can attend with your own drinks that you get from the stores. Going out to eat is reserved only for a very special occasions. 

So, when you take all these elements of Danish culture makes meeting new people a bit hard. So, how to approach it then? Well, if you want to meet foreigners, language schools is a good place. A lot of people there doesn't have a lot of contacts in Denmark so they are very open to make new acquaintances and mostly they find other Danish people very cold and distanced. But, you will not meet Danes there. If you really want to meet Danes, think hobbies, google them in the city where you live and go. There will most likely be a group that does it. Go there, meet Danes and be patient. They are a bit like a bottle of ketchup, you need to shake long and hard and for a while nothing will come out, but then suddenly so much will spill out that you will want to return some of it back into the bottle.