Plan me in advance 'cause I am busy

After you move to Denmark, you will have a lot of challenges to overcome if you want to socialize with the locals. First of all they are a little skittish and hard to talk to in public spaces. There is a lot of them, but they keep their head down, are absorbed with their devices and they like to keep their distance. Even if one manages to overcome the first obstacle, their language is hard to understand and even harder to speak as a tiny mispronunciation can lead to complete misunderstanding. 

While working, which is their favorite activity, they want to talk work but they are hard to extend work relationship outside of the work place. And after they leave the work area, if they are not in public spaces they are unusually hard to find. It is like they disappear. If you are really hell bent on socializing with them, you need to find them first without invading their private residences because that will make them even more skittish. So where are they hiding? 

Most likely they are hiding in some organized union involved in some activities that people in the union find fun. So, next logical step is to think about your favorite activity, google it, find out if it exists in your place of residence, see where and when it is being organized and go there.

You may think that it is over now since you are socializing with the locals but, trust me, you are barely scratching the surface. For now, what you are doing is only participating in the activity that you all like to share. But forming a closer relationship will take some time. One reason is that most of the conversations will revolve around the activity you are involved with.

They call it the significant third. It is an activity which everyone enjoys and which serves as a connecting tissue for the people who are gathered around it. So, what happens is that the significant third is an easy topic that comes naturally but going beyond it is a bit hard. But I guess that for you extroverts out there it is a bit easier.

So, you have successfully overcame all the above mentioned challenges and you have found a person you would like to hang out with. Then you are over, right? Wrong! Now you need to fit into his or her schedule, and that is much harder then you think. Danes plan everything and they plan it far into the future. Christmas planning starts a day after Christmas. Family gatherings are planed couple of weeks in advance. In Denmark nothing is spontaneous. Spur of the moment activities are virtually non existent and the absolute worst thing that you can do to a Dane is to cancel an appointment or just barge in unannounced. That makes them go completely ballistics. They will rage! In silence of course because emotional expressions outside of funerals are illegal.

Now you have yourself a potential friend. Be vary though, if he invites you to his home, do not bring presents, you may scare him away.

Insurance insanity

Two weeks ago on a Wednesday I had an opportunity to witness an event that was completely blown out of proportions, at least in our case.

The building where we currently live has a basement with a garage and in that basement residents have storage spaces that belong to the apartments. Most of those storage spaces are completely full. They look like there is enough stuff inside that their respective owners could completely equip one more apartment.

But our doesn't and that is the most important thing in this story. Our storage space is almost completely empty. The stuff we used to keep in our storage space is the following:
 

- 4× car tires
- 2x bike tires
- 2x canisters of stuff used for the balcony maintenance
- couple of moving boxes
- one dirty ancient blanket that was in the box
 

So, one weekend Luci calls me after a short day at work and says: "Our landlord just called. There was a flood in our basement. Can you please come done with the key for our storage unit. We need to empty it so they can clean it."
 

So, I went down and was expecting a total disaster in the basement. And then there wasn't any. I mean there was, a bit. The air had a wonderful sewage smell but everything was looking as it usually does. So I thought, ok there was a bit of a sewage spillage but obviously it wasn't a lot since the drainage took care of it. We came to our storage unit and the co-owner of the building was there. He told us what I expected. Sewage spilled a bit but the drainage took care of it, so other then the lovely smell and a bit of poop on our car tires there wasn't much else.
 

And then he started talking to Luci about the insurance. He said that she should call her insurance to see if they would cover for the damages. And it wasn't something mentioned once, no he was grilling her about it for good twenty minutes. I was seriously surprised with that. While he was saying it, we were standing right next to our storage unit, that stood there as empty as I described it, with the only things that can be reused being the tires and the two canisters but all of that can just be rinsed with water. At a point I started thinking that the man must be blind since we are standing, now, right next to our almost empty storage unit while he is ranting about insurance covering for the damages. Damages of what? Plus even if we did have something of value in the storage unit, it is his building in which we live and where the sewage failed, so it should be first and foremost his responsibility to cover for the damages and not ours.
 

So, at least 20 minutes of my life went on that pointless rant. But unfortunately, Luci took him seriously and she called her insurance company and she started asking: "how much did you pay for the bike tires, how much did you pay for the car tires...etc"
 

After approximately half an hour and her call being rerouted three times or more, she finally came to her senses and said: "I am not doing this. We will rinse the tires and the containers with water and put them back and we will throw out everything else" So we did that.
 

But truth be told, we should feel lucky that we are not hoarders and that there was nothing of value in our storage unit. I do feel for other residents. Most of the other storage units were full to the top. And all that stuff smelled beautifully and some of it got damaged. They should hope so that the insurance will cover for it.

Minimalism for the win!

Feed meeee, for I am starving!

About a month ago we were going to Herning for a weekend and our schedule was packed as it usually is. Herning is my girlfriends home town where she grew up and lived until couple of years ago so she wants to cram as many events as she possibly can in those two and a half days that we have. Plus she wanted to take me to Randers Regnskov.


So, we went to the "Danish Amazon" first and then to her friends place. And it was great, all of it! Randers Regnskov was a very unique experience and the conversation with her friend is always interesting. He is very insightful and sharp. We were sleeping at her moms place and we arrived there late, around 23:30. Even though it was a great day, I went to bed starving. The last time I had something to eat was around 2 o'clock in the afternoon. It was the first thing we did when we arrived to Randers Regnskov.


Why was I starving later? I was starving because the arrangements we made with her friend and her mom did not explicitly include eating. So no one offered and I didn't ask so I went hungry.


But why didn't I ask for food you might wonder? Well, one part of the reason is personal, I am a bit shy and I do not want to be an inconvenience to others. Other part is cultural. I come from a culture that is all about hospitality towards your guests. When you visit someone in Croatia after a minute or two of small-talk you will be shown to the room where socializing will take place and after another minute or two you will be asked what will you have for a drink? Even if the deal did not include food, there would be snacks and the host could ask you if you want to eat something real.


During the whole visit you will be catered all the time. The hosts will be serving drinks, snacks and food and they will be taking away used up plates and glasses. Guests in Croatia are treated as kings. Last summer when we visited my parents, at the beginning my girlfriend had a bit of a hard time with that custom because she is used to help out with stuff like that, especially with the dishes after the meal is over. So hospitality customs in Croatian and Danish cultures are very far away from each other.


When you are visiting Danes it can vary a lot based on what the arrangement is. So, on the day when I went starving, the arrangement was that we are going for a VISIT at her friends place. It was meant to be just talking. We came, we started talking, it was very cozy and engaging but we were not offer anything at any point, 0. Except for going hungry I was starting to get dehydrated as well. For me it was the first time at his place, so I didn't want to impose. My mouth started going seriously dry when finally my girlfriend popped the question: "Can I get something to drink?" It was a life saver!


In the evening it was the same at her mom's place. We came late, we agreed on the sleep-over. We did talk a bit, but not too long and we went to bed... and I was starving.


It is completely different when you arrange dinner plans. Then you will get a complete service, very nice meal and drinks, served table and the only thing that will be expected from you will be to help out with putting the table away after it is done and to help out with the dishes. You will definitely not go hungry. On the contrary, when dinner plans are put forward in advance, Danes are very hospitable. In most cases they will go out of their way and not only prepare food and drinks but they will go that extra mile to make a cozy atmosphere. Which is actually the moment where they will surpass an average Croatian host. Hospitality in Croatia is all about a nice food and drinks, good company and making the guests feel welcome but hygge is definitely not a big thing.


So, to conclude. When it comes to hospitality Danes are a bit split. If you arrange it in advance for a specific activity, prepare yourself to be amazed but otherwise brace yourself for a potential intermittent fasting. Which in it self isn't too bad if it lasts up to 8 hours but it is definitely not hygge.

Take a Panodil and stop pestering us!

I am one of those people who is a bit hard to get to the doctor. It is not that I do not trust them, I do. It is just that I do not want to go to the doctor until it is absolutely necessary.
 

Something started to brew in my head in the middle of July. I started getting the weird feeling of pressure (not headache) in my head and I started to feel like I have low grade fever but all of it was coming and going. After three days of that I decided to take the COVID-19 test. Just as I have made the decision all the symptoms vanished. Week later they came back but stronger. At that point I decided that it is the time to call the doctor.
 

That first phone call was at least weird. After I have described the symptoms, I got two questions, did I go for a COVID-19 test and what do I think is wrong with me. I said that I did but that I still didn't get the results. The lady on the phone responded that they can't consult me until I get the results back and until then I should just take a Panodil. Panodil is the universal "magical" cure for everything in Denmark just like Andol is in Croatia. That was just so frustrating, I am not feeling well and they do not want to help me and they are asking me to self-diagnose myself. That goes against everything I was taught and that is one feels unwell, one should contact the doctor, describe the symptoms and receive help. What one shouldn't do is to try and self-diagnose! And they are telling me to do just that.
 

It has gotten worse the next day. The pressure in the head and the feeling of low grade fever was combined with dizziness. Fortunately for me, test result for COVID-19 came back negative, so I was hopeful that now I will get proper medical help. So I started calling again. My doctor, the one I called yesterday went for holiday so the answering machine was instructing me to call the service called "medical-assistance". So I did after work, I described all the symptoms in detail and two hours later they called me back and said that I should take antibiotics and if it doesn't get better that I should call my doctor on Monday.
 

I got a bit better between Thursday and Sunday morning but on Sunday afternoon dizziness came back in full swing. And in accordance to doctors instructions, I called in my regular doctor and told that I am getting worse and that COVID-19 test results came back negative. Despite that, she was dismissive and condescending. She refused to take me in with two explanations. Firstly, I need to give antibiotics some time to work until Wednesday and secondly, even though I have a negative COVID-19 test result I might have contracted it in the mean time and they have a strict rules for patient care (or patient non-care) during COVID-19 times. 

 

Wednesday came and there was no improvement, so I called on Thursday morning. This time, finally I was talking to the doctor who wasn't trying to get rid of me but she explained for how long can I expect the dizziness to last and that I should get a time at ear, nose and throat specialist and she will take me in for a blood test.
 

The dizziness persisted but at least now I was more at peace because I knew what to expect, because the doctor finally took me seriously and because something was being done about it and it took a week to get there.
 

By the end of the next week dizziness slowly subsided, I got a nasal spray for my breathing problems and blood test showed that there was an infection going on but nothing else.
 

But I didn't write this because of my health issues but because of the treatment that I got from the medical personnel. Why was I being dismissed at the beginning? Why did it take them a week? Why was I asked to self-diagnose myself?
 

My boss was curious about my experience with the doctors and she shared a similar story. On multiple occasions when she needed proper medical help, the doctors were dismissive and they were not taking her seriously. I heard more of almost identical stories.
 

Why is it like that? It is a public health care system and the doctors did swore on the Hippocratic out that in one part says the following: "I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required..."
 

Until doctors remember this maybe all people who are sick should apologize to them for their condition and the inconvenience they are causing to them.
 

I think this type of attitude from the side of the doctors is at least unprofessional. People don't contact them because it is a fun activity but because something is going on and they need help. Croatian health care system has its own problems and it can take moths if you need some specialized medical check up like MRI but if you need help from your family doctor they will find time to help you. If something is seriously wrong suddenly and you need an ER, you will get an ER. I was never in my life treated with such an attitude from a medical professional and I don't think anyone should. What if there was something seriously wrong and not just some benign sinus infection?


P. S. I will appologize to all the doctors who are commited to their job and patient care.

The ocean

 I have never seen the ocean in my life. I have seen different seas but never the ocean. Back when I lived in Zagreb there was a plan for one summer cycling trip to cycle from Zagreb to the place near Bordeaux on the Atlantic coast but there was never enough time during the summer vacation since the trip was too long.  

But then, last year I finally managed to make that wish come true. While we were on a visit to Al'Shaddar's mom, we had a bit of extra time, so we went to the place called Hvide Sands that lies on the coast of the Atlantic Ocean, or as Danes call it the Western sea. As we were getting closer you could see the power of the ocean on the environment that surrounds us. Vegetation was getting scarcer and scarcer and the wind was getting stronger and stronger. Finally! We parked the car behind some slopes. The ocean is on the other side! Just a short walk away. They looked almost barren. There was some vegetation but it was mostly grass and moss, no trees or bigger bushes. As we got out of the car it was immediately apparent why. Because of the wind. It was constantly blowing and blowing hard. And I guess it is like that thought most of the the year. Every step on our short walk to the coast was a struggle. We only had a bit of relief from the wind when we were close to the slope, otherwise it constantly felt like it wants to tear off the skin from our bones. No wonder the vegetation was scarce, life here is a constant struggle against the wind. The only ones that were having a blast were seagulls gliding effortlessly on the wind, everything else is just fighting not get ripped of the ground.
 

The trail was taking us in between the two slopes when it happened. The ocean opened up in front of us in all it's beauty and power. It was just like the movies, except for the wind that was constantly trying to knock us of our feet, but everything else; open sea as far as the eye can see fusing with the clouds on the horizon, spotless white sandy beach, waves breaking on the shore in powerful whooshes, so big that you could walk for at least ten meters closer to the water when the wave is receding. A unique experience indeed, testifying to the power of the nature. I felt so small and insignificant at the shores of the Atlantic ocean.
 

Our path was taking us right under one of the three windmills that were just chugging away at the coast. Allegedly, windmills can't be constructed close to the populated areas because of the noise but even when you are standing directly under one, where the blades look like they will split you in half, it doesn't sound too loud, the ever-present wind is still much louder.
 

I wanted to stay for a while, to soak up the experience but shortly after the magnificence of the ocean dials down, it is quickly becoming tiresome. Because the wind is relentless, it just constantly feels like it wants to blow you away from the beach.
 

There were a couple of logs lying on the beach, where we found a bit of shelter but even there the wind won't let you be in peace. After 15 minutes, we have given up and acknowledged our defeat to the wind and we started on our way back to the car.
 

The experience was breathtaking and inspiring and very, very windy. I am definitely glad that I did it but I wouldn't like to spend my holidays on the ocean. On the other hand, I heard that Skane is beautiful...

A walk through Danish past: Frilandsmuseet

Our summer holidays during the weekends continue. A month ago we went to Frilandsmuseet that is located at the outskirts of Copenhagen. 

Frilandsmuseet is all about Danish agricultural history and countryside life between 1650 and 1950. It is, what you call, an Open air museum. You are walking through open plains and small forest areas as you are moving from one exhibition to the other. Older buildings are located closer to the entrance and the further you go the closer you get to the modern age. We were lucky that the route we took at the end led us to the buildings from the 20th century, after the Second World War, so we indeed had the feeling of walking through time.

The buildings in Frilandsmuseet are from all over Denmark and that includes: Southern Sweden (it used to be Danish territory), Bornholm and Faeroe Islands. As you are walking around the exhibitions you can see next to the every building where was it located, in what time period and who used it and for what.

Most of the building where residential buildings, but one can also see various types of farm buildings, production buildings and one windmill. We even saw a set of a bit bigger stones assembled in a circle and they were used for the village council meetings.

As I had the opportunity to see something similar before in Croatia, a lot of exhibits didn't surprise me at first but when I gave it a second thought, they did. Even though there is 1700 km between Denmark and Croatia and living conditions differ, the solutions people reached are strikingly similar between the two cultures and that was a surprise in itself. 

As my archeology friend explained. Some inventions were so practical that after they appeared, they spread around like wildfire, stayed for a long time and they were not changing much. That is why you can see a lot of similar living solutions in cultures that are so far away from each other.

 

Closet beds

But there were a couple of things that I haven't seen in other places. First thing that stood out, and it was present in all the houses up until 19 century were beds.

Beds weren't placed in rooms that would then have the function as bedrooms but they were built into something we would call today, a built in closet.

So, we were walking through the house and watching different rooms and then suddenly on the wall you see a small closet doors and behind them wasn't a built in closet but a tiny bed. Tiny, for modern day humans but if we take into consideration how tall humans were couple of hundreds years ago, tiny beds were all they needed. Bed doors could be closed from the inside, so you could have closed yourself into the bed. At first I was surprised but as I started thinking about the living conditions in Denmark it started to make sense. 

Denmark is cold, even today. In the warmest part of the year you need to wear at least a thin shirt with sleeves. There is a couple of days a year that are warm enough so one could walk outside without clothes. And days in the summer are very long, with sunset coming as early as 4:30. With these two things combined, maybe they made closet beds in order to preserve the heat and darkness? Since I moved to Denmark, when the days become long, with the beginning of May, it takes me at least two weeks to stop waking up too early, with the sunset, so I can see the benefit of sleeping in the closet in Denmark, especially during the summer months.

 

Sea weed rooftops

Second unique thing that we saw in Frilandsmuseet were roofs made out of sea weed. Which also surprised me at first but after giving it a bit of thought, it didn't. If you walk around any Danish coast, you will see that a lot of beaches is covered with sea weed. It is just washed ashore smelling bad. With resources being scarce, back in the day and people having to go by with what little was available, sea weed roofs start to make sense. If there is a lot just lying there on the beach and it will keep the house dry, why not. But I recon it was a fire hazard at the same time.

 

 

 

 

Faereo Islands houses

As the whole buildings, I found the Faereo Island houses as unique. They were built on the slopes, half-way dug into the ground. When you would be walking around the house, you would see only one long wall with a grass rooftop, two shorter walls were visible only half way, the other half was just disappearing into the ground. If you would walk behind the house, you would be standing above it and in theory you could walk on the natural grass roof. Very special indeed and most likely an adaptation to the sloppy terrain of the Faeroe Islands (I have never been there, so it is possible that I am wrong).

 

 

Hay beehives

We also had an opportunity to see at least in part how people were making honey between 17th and 19 century. Next to one of the houses beehive was displayed. It was shaped as a cone, made out of wood and hay.

 

 

 

 

Conclusion

If you are interested in seeing and learning how people used to live in this part of the world in the past Frilandsmuseet is indeed a place to see and it will feel like a walk through the past. In addition you will get a healthy workout since the area is big and you will need to walk far. There is also an opportunity to ride in a real horse carriage if one fancies that.

The whole experience made me thinking how wasteful we have become, how far away we have moved from living in sync with the environment around us and how incompetent we have become for a life outside of the modern society.

I am not trying to romanticize now. I am fully aware that it was a harsh, short life with not much creature comfort. And I acknowledge that our quality of life today has radically improved in all aspects. With that being said it still used to be a life where people where living from what was around them and using it to the best of their abilities. People didn't have much and what little they had was valuable. Not like today, when things are so cheap that we change out our clothes, phones and cars like they are perishable goods and with that lifestyle causing the unprecedented trash pollution of the planet.

In the same time we live so far out of sync with nature and environment around us that most of us have become completely incompetent to live "off the land". Ask yourselves the following, if modern civilization collapsed for one reason or another, would you be capable to grow, hunt or pick your food? Would you be capable of preserving your food for the winter? Would you be capable of building and maintaining your house? Would you be capable of making your own clothes and shoes? I think that most of you, including me, would answer these questions with a no.

Well those people were capable of doing all these things and they were capable of withstanding much harsher living conditions, than we can even start imagine. Now ask yourself-  what does that tell about us?

Emotions

If it could be possible to make emotional expressions illegal Denmark would be the country to do it in. Personally I find it interesting because up until I moved to Denmark I was trying to act that way. To keep my emotions in check and not let them show but after I moved here I saw how unhealthy it can be. Denmark is especially good place to see it because it is the cultural default. When you see someone expressing emotions a bit more intensively in public, it is a foreigner. The levels to which Danes are capable of suppressing them is sometimes worrying but impressive at the same time.

In public spaces they just go about their business with serious looks on their faces. Only emotional expressions that you can see are gentle smiles on people when they are talking to someone on the phone or while looking at their phones.

My friend from the language school told me a story about her neighbor. One day she went out of her building and she met her Danish neighbor. She said hi, while he told her that he had lost his dog. While he said it, he had a stone face with no emotional expression it while uttering the sentence in a perfectly flat way, 0 emotions. She commented, but how can he do it that way, he must be dying inside? And he is, they all are but they are culturally drilled not to express them.

But, when we are talking about public spaces, I can understand that to a certain extent but I am completely perplexed with the fact that they carry that behavior patterns to their home and private lives.

On multiple occasions my girlfriend told me that one thing she loves about me is that she can have an emotional fit and that I will not take it against her. And that makes her everyday life much easier because she doesn't have to keep her emotions in until she boils over but she can slowly vent them out whenever. That way she can feel a lot more like herself at home.

I was confused by that and told her that I don't see how else should it work. It is our home after all and if she can't be herself at home, which includes venting emotions, where else could she do it? And that was me assuming too much. I assumed that at home nobody needs to keep their emotions in check including Danes. It is after all personal space, where all the masks and social roles are off and you can be yourself without any of that baggage. But, it seems I was wrong.

Even in Danish intimate relationships it is not ok to be overly emotional. For example, if your partner has an annoying habit that you really dislike and you tried to explain it a couple of times in a calm and composed maner to stop it, it is not considered as appropriate to tell him, in a harsh tone of voice and a bit louder: "You will fucking stop doing this or else!"

As I said, I was taken a back with that, so I asked what happens when it comes to the point that you want to bash his/her head into the wall (metaphorically of course). Allegedly at that point, you buy a nice bottle of wine and when your partner comes home you tell him in a steady and composed voice: "Honey, we need to talk," while deep down inside you want to kill him, because you are about to explode.

Then the discussion about relationship problems can start but the couple will still try to keep their emotions in check. But at least in this situation they may start flying a bit and people still can get angry.

I will admit my bias coming from a country where expression of the emotions isn't suppressed, on the contrary. When your partner notices that you are acting a bit strangely, you will get a question, is everything ok? In some cases it may lead to a discussion and emotions may fly high but things will be settled after.

I must say I am questioning how healthy it is to keep your emotions constantly suppressed. We are all humans and we all have them and it is not possible to deny them.

But then, Danes outsourced that part to the professionals. Going to psychologist and couples therapy is quite common in Denmark. But that is a topic for another post.

I will conclude this post on a personal note. When you take too temperamental Dane and a bit too cold Croatian you get a couple in which both sides are thriving because emotional expressions are welcome but they don't fly too high.